Sunday, 12th April 12:05 pm
I thought I had finally found the woman that I wished to share the rest of my life with. But little did I know that things would change me forever. For the sake of this post I wish to keep the identity of this person annoymous. What she did to me can’t be undone but like my counselor would later tell me, trauma can’t be erased but we reduce it to such an insignificance that we learn to live with it.
Anyway it was a regular Sunday, waking up later than usual I was making a cuppa and suggesting places to go.
Me: “Do you want to go to Kelly Tarltons?”
Her: “Ram, I don’t know”
Me: Maybe a walk
Her: Maybe I just want to go the nearby Rose Garden, by the way, why didn’t you get a 4 bedroom house?
Me: Ummm we talked about this, we will eventually… maybe.
Her: NOOOO!!!! STOP!!!! I can’t live in this shit..
Me: Wait, what are you saying? this is a new apartment, the building has a gym, swimming pools and tennis courts. What more could you want.
Her: I SAID A 4 BEDROOM !!!!! WHAT DON’T YOU UNDERSTAND.
Me: Babe, you can’t scream, we have neighbours.
Her: I don’t F***ing care
The rest of the conversation was drowned in a lot more cursing, shouting and how her parents had a huge house for her to stay and stuff. There was a 111 call at some point but I was at the door frantically popping my head out to see if there were any angry neighbours outside.
Sunday, 12th April – 12:30 pm
Before I knew what was happening, the police were summoned to my apartment and I was arrested and whisked away to the Police Station.
I gave a 5 hour interview for a heinous crime that I was being accused of committing and won’t forget those words
Cop: You have raped her and remember if its true your looking at 14 years mate
Me: Wait what !!! me; rape !!!!
and then everything went cold. I knew people were talking, but my senses were dulled. Tears streaming uncontrollably as the cops left the interview room.
10 minutes later, the cops were back and asked me to leave the station, I was given a police safety order and asked not to meet her for 5 days, apparently she was the victim here.
No one, not one person cared for what I felt.
The worst feeling in the world is when you get accused of something so heinous. An accuser has to be the worst low-life ever and most often than not, such people get away with it.
To be a rapist !!!! that’s not how my mom raised me. The thoughts ravaged my inside and that was the day, I lost my first life. rather than sulking and going into a shell, I decided to do something extra-ordinary, I simply couldn’t rest till then.
Sunday 20th October @ 4:45am
I was crying again in the rest room of a ferry.
Me: You’ve got this Ram, the legs are fine, the running bag has enough water, the temperature is slated to be fine.
Warming up at the start line with a few thousand people doing stretches and lunges
Friend: Good luck Ram, You’ll rock this
I had decided to run a freaking MARATHON… All 42.2 kms of it, and what better place to do it than the city of sails “Auckland”
I slipped on my headset as my training song blared
“Savaal oyathe (Challenge doesn’t stop)
Aaratha Kayam illaye (this isn’t a pain that will go away)
Ezhuvathai polla veeram illaya – (There is no bigger courage than standing up when defeated)
Kalangathe evanum inge – (Don’t cry now)
Va, Intha nodi un vazhvai matrum nodi va – (Come, this is the moment that will change your life forever)”
Va, Intha valli thane un vegam etrum valli va – (Come, this is the pain that will increase your devotion)”
The full song here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4yiwEm_8tJY
The race director did the countdown, the pistol went bang and I was off… I was running the Auckland Marathon 2019.
As I live through & Blurb
“We all have two lives, the second one starts when we realize we only have one” (Tom Hiddleston)
My world came hurtling down after those false allegations continued to haunt me, day in and day out. I was having panic attacks in the middle of the night. Huge hugs to my parents and my sis (you guys were my rock).
But it so is in my character to turn a negative upside down, I decided to run a marathon and inadvertently had the chance to do it for mental health awareness.
Recently my company did a great job in promoting mental health awareness and through the “Mo”vember movement, I realize that there are a lot more struggling. In the society that we live in, it has become our knee-jerk reaction to place men as the perpetrator, even though we may never know the whole story.
As I said before, trauma once inflicted won’t go away but we learn to accept it and move on.
In the present age mental health has become a huge issue, if you see someone wanting to talk, say Hi or maybe a smile. Those small actions would go along way, after all not everyone is looking to bite.
I also wish that this post incites people to call out their issues, its not OK to be discriminated or alleged for false crimes, but if you don’t talk it out, it could become very fester and turn toxic and the only ones that would face the brunt are you and the ones who really loved you.
My final thoughts
“Life is hard, but that’s why it’s worth living”
“The strong believers get hurt, but this is also a chance to see how deep your character is”
“Only in the deepest abyss of hopelessness will a miracle shine through”
“This is the time, this is the moment, this is IT”
“Life is not about revenge, but in living our life to the fullest”